Well, my hiatus for this blog ran a lot longer than I originally expected, but it was a much-needed personal break to let my mind and emotions be by themselves for awhile.
The thing about running a personal blog is that it’s…well…personal. It can get hard to share things or write about even silly things when you’re confused and befuddled about big issues in your life. So the break from this blog has been good to just allow my mind to simmer with itself. I haven’t come to any conclusions, but I’m okay with not being completely okay. That in and of itself is freeing.
I plan to catch you all up on the different things I’ve struggled with in the near future, as those are heavy topics for their own posts. But today I’ll just catch you up on my summer as best I can! 😀
In many ways it was a very quiet summer. It others, it was loud and confusing and emotional.
My parent’s divorce was finalized at the end of April (a big HIP HIP HOORAY goes right here!) and my entire family’s routine changed as my brother began to switch between my home and my dad’s home every other week. I’m still adjusting here in September: My weeks seem to begin on Fridays and then have no ending. It’s super weird. 😄 It works though; I miss my little bro when he’s not here, but I also enjoy that quiet off-week too because… eight year old boys……..just wow.
I worked on my sci-fi book throughout June, but as my head got louder and louder with doubts and theological questions and frustration, I paused the writing. I’d hope to pick it back up in August, but computer issues and now college still keeps me from continuing with it for the time being. The only other story I worked on over the summer was personal story for myself, an nontraditional romance that is incredibly fun write. But that was all the fiction I managed to write over the summer. 😦
I turned 21 at the end of July! It was a very nice birthday; with early morning happy birthday emojis from my best friend, to the exciting Ant-Man which Mom agreed to watch with me, to my favorite sub-sandwiches for dinner. The amount of birthday wishes and phone calls and cards made me feel very loved and special! There was a damper on the day’s end (I.E. my dad suddenly remarrying on my birthday before bringing my brother home–a topic for another post) but thankfully the shock of it didn’t really kick in till the next day.
Overall, I had a wonderful 21st birthday! Thank you again for all your sweet comments!
Small things can keep you busy like you wouldn’t believe. One day the internet went out. We didn’t figure out until the next day that it wasn’t a neighborhood thing but our own problem. *headdesk* Stupid little things like that seemed to happen all summer. 😄
Between the end of July and through almost the entirety of August, I had computer struggles. Oh how those just thrill me to pieces. 😄 This problem interfered with the blogging I was doing, and I breathed in and out of calm control and fits of frustration. As of now, the issue has seemed to resolved it’s self, which is the weirdest thing EVER, but I’m not complaining! I can upload images to WordPress again!
The pro that came out of that whole experience, though, was that I learned a behemoth-like amount of information about my computer this summer and how I can maintain it from my good ol’ friend James The Reviewer. Thank you again for all your help last month, James, you were the best! (Seriously, guys, he taught me so much computer stuff, and took a lot time to walk me through possible solutions for the issue, even though he didn’t have too. I’m such a baby when it comes to my computer, so it was nice to have support from someone steadier than myself. XD)
Friends are literally the best thing ever.
Happier moments of the summer included watching and talking and writing about anime. So many adventures; so many wonderful characters who are now very dear to my heart (Takeo and Yamato! Kiyoshi-dono! Renge! NICOLAS BROWN, MARRY ME!) I kept my anime blog alive despite the computer issues–I don’t know how!!!–and had lots of fun! I’ve established some wonderful friendships this summer and almost everyone that I’ve met in the anime blogging community has been very kind and enthusiastic!
It’s also incredible to be exposed to a second language every single day through stories. The Japanese language is so beautiful to listen to and I feel a little more familiar with it as each week goes by! It’s my new favorite thing!
COLLEGE. As August began to close, I first pondered, then agreed to start college before fully wrapping up my GED studies. I’m taking one class, a career exploration class for creative minds at my local community college and I’m already glad I agreed to start. While I now have homework to bring home, I really like the class’s content so far. I think I will learn a lot about myself this semester and shall be able to zone in a specific career or degree that I would personally be driven to achieve.
Since it’s also a class about understanding yourself, I hope that it will help me work through a lot of junk I still have from the past nine years of unbalanced homeschooling and over-the-top patriarchal churches and emotional exhaustion. I spent most of my teens years having my individualism smothered in the patriarchal movement, which I’m still recovering from.
God didn’t make me as a incomplete soul or personality without a man and I should not have buried myself for others for years and years!
Hopefully I’ll really discover how I think and function as an individual during this semester, so I can continue becoming my own person. I mean, I’ve done a lot of this in other areas of my life already (I’m learning to say no for myself, I’m learning healthy boundaries, and I am learning to enjoy what I enjoy without feeling weird about it) but I still need help understanding my core. Personal exploration will be very healthy for me!
It has been a confusing, crazy, quiet, enjoyable, angry, emotional summer. I love anime; I really love anime. I’m happy that I got to enjoy the lightning storms in the evening while I listened to music. I’m mad at my dad because, wow, thanks for dragging us through the mud for years insisting a divorce would ruin our already ruined family and then remarrying before the papers are barely cold on my birthday; like I didn’t have enough trust issues with men! And I’m happy that my mom insisted I think about starting college.
I’m hopeful I’ll find my path by the end of the year.
I am still a lot of emotions from this summer and I haven’t worked through everything; but that’s okay. I’m okay with knowing that I’m both angry and happy and miserable and hopeful all at the same time. I THINK THAT IS LIFE?!?
However, I’ve had my fill of quiet time with just myself. I ready to come home, to this blog and to all of you! Thanks for waiting for me, guys. I love you all! I can’t wait to continue blogging here!
What did you do or feel this summer?