How dare you. || Diamonds and Divorce

As a child, I remember flipping through my parent’s wedding album. It was right beside all the family albums, so every once and awhile I’d pull it out. It was strange to see my parents before I was even a thought. I remember my mom saying once I didn’t have to worry about them ever getting a divorce.

During my teen years, their marriage was very rocky; they were separated twice, once for two years before the divorce could be finalized in 2015. Long and short of it is simply that it was a wreck of a time. Everyone we knew in our religious social circles, which was our only social circles, fought my mother for pursuing the divorce, even though our home life was so bad that we all were dying.

No seriously, I described it as though she, I and my sister were all drowning in front of everyone, but everyone was more worried about saving the boat of marriage which we had fallen off of, instead of us. YES. THAT’S WHAT IT FELT LIKE. LIKE NOBODY CARED THAT WE WERE IN SO MUCH MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL STRESS THAT IT DIDN’T MATTER BECAUSE OH GOSH, THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE COMES FIRST. YES. WE WERE REALLY PUT THROUGH THIS FOR MULTIPLE YEARS. IT WAS HORRIBLE.

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We have grown through that part of our lives now and we don’t speak to any of those people anymore thankfully. We are happier, stronger, and much better off than before.

But before I move on, I’d like to pause one moment here and do something I’ve wanted to do but haven’t felt free to say before. I want to give a very personal shout out to all those people who chose an ideal over individual souls that were suffering: SCREW. YOU. 

I have absolutely no regrets in saying that to every last one of you because I have an absolute right to be angry that the Christian church treated us that way. Thanks for watching us nearly drown, thanks for all the commentary on how we should have just submitted more, thanks for not seeing us and simply seeing an idea that you had to uphold. Thank you all And Screw. Every. Last. Damn. One. Of. You. Goodbye and Good Riddance.

Now that y’all have some context of my past, here’s what I want to talk about tonight.

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I remember in 2013, when my parents separated for the second time, that I was reading the little blogs of the church girls I only sorta kinda knew, girls that attended the sister church of my own. I remember courtship and marriage were discussed on and off again on these blogs. And one day, I was so utterly shocked when I read a comment on one post in particular.

The blogger, a girl I had seen at church family camp multiple times, had asked the question “what are the questions you should ask to know who’s right for you”, blah blah blah, that whole conversation. The top comment was by a girl I didn’t know personally but I’d seen her comment a lot on these blogs often. She seemed to hold similar beliefs that we all held. But in her comment, she literally stated, “I wouldn’t marry someone who had parents who had divorced.”

I was shocked. Because my parents were getting a divorce right then. And yet at the time, I held all the same beliefs this person had. But someone like-minded found that despite this, the fact that I now came from a divorced home was a complete disqualifier for Godly marriage? Not because of something an individual has done but for something their parents have done?

I was shocked, mortified, and horrified.

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The owner of the blog agreed with the commenter’s general comment and I realized maybe a lot of people in the social circle I was stuck in must probably agree. Oh my gosh. It was a cruel realization. It was something I’d NEVER thought of myself, and so to have this dawning realization that my peers, who thought similar to me, would view someone like me, a child of divorced parents, as damaged or unworthy or unfit or unable to be of any value for marriage, was awful.

Tonight I remembered that comment again. I even did some link-hopping to find the original blog and screencap the comment itself, because for a bit I wondered if I had really read such an awful thing. I really had, sadly, and it made me so angry tonight.

I want to respond to this person’s statement. Having gone through a good recovery period from my parents’ divorce and being two years strong into my own romantic relationship, I have a few things to say! And I’m sorry that this post has already come off as very personal and emotionally driven, but this is on my heart to speak up about tonight. So here we are and here I go.

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I have a few things to say as a young adult who thought her parents would always be together, then watched it all burn up in flames, and have seen my family grow out of it better off. I have a few things to say about how it has influenced how I view marriage and love itself and how I think it’s done the opposite of making me an “undesirable” choice for marriage. I have a few things to say in defense of the people who grow through the hardship of divorce too.

The thing about me is that despite everything I have been through, and I’ve been through SOME SH*T, my positivity hasn’t been killed yet. It’s only grown, because I have a lot hope today because of my family’s divorce. I still STRONGLY believe I can have a successful marriage myself. I have not given up on true love. I refuse to give up on love.

And yet some people would call me unsuitable? Really? I have learned so much though!

I learned from my parents’ divorce that no marriage can work if both sides aren’t communicating honestly. Therefore, for my future marriage, I must always be honest, I must ALWAYS communicate how I feel, never sweep anything under the rug, and I must be open to listening to my partner’s needs. Boundaries MUST be discussed, reinforced, and embraced for the health of both sides, throughout the marriage. Both sides MUST be willing to listen, to accept, comfort, reassure, to BE OPEN. I know and agree with my mother’s choice to pursue a divorce…because if none of these things are being done on both sides, then, in my opinion, this is no suitable relationship to remain in, much less even be deemed a marriage. It is toxic. One person cannot make a marriage work alone.

BECAUSE OF THIS EXPERIENCE, I know what I need to look for in my partner! I know what I must do to avoid repeating that mistake! I’m aware of issues that can happen and can be proactive against them!

Can you still say, dear commenter, that I’m not a good choice for marriage?

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I learned that when you love someone, you put them above yourself….but always in a two-way street situation. If you are giving your all to someone who is simply taking taking taking…..that is abuse on their part. That is not loving. You should remove yourself from that situation if it cannot be rectified within a period of time. Because while you do love others, you must also love yourself. You must be able to remove yourself from poisonous situations because God loves you and doesn’t want you to be abused like that.

Seeing this, I have learned to love deeply, but not ignorantly; not giving my heart away to just anyone but to someone who is making as much effort as I am. My best friend whom I’m dating, I choose to date because he gives and loves me above himself, just as I do him. I want to see this consistently as we date, so before I agree to any marriage proposals I know that we are committed to fighting for each other, because we will have built trust that we are doing so RIGHT NOW. I know what to look for in a martial partner now because I saw what marriage is not.

Would you still hold my parents’ divorce against me, commenter?

I can understand someone being afraid of a divorce pattern repeating if they marry someone who’s experienced it in their life….but to completely cross out any options because of it, is cruel and completely removes potential people who might have learned a lot from their past. Why can’t we talk through this issue like we would any other personal issue? Why is it different?

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No one is too far gone if they recognize the family patterns, the sins that need to be addressed, if they are willing to be aware, to work towards something better. Often times, people learn best through hardships! How cruel of a person do you need to be to want to completely discount anyone who’s gone through the heartache and survived a parents divorce as “not acceptable, not good enough, does not reach the requirement for my godly marriage standards.”

Guess what, commenter: A lot of peoples’ parents stay together and are completely miserable. How is that better? A lot of people can think marriage is easy if they never see the hardships of marriage and can turn out to be completely bamboozled and lost in their own marriages because they’ve never seen the struggle. A lot of parents can make their marriage look perfect to their children.

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF A CHILD’S PARENTS HAVE STAYED TOGETHER OR ARE NO LONGER MARRIED BECAUSE EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE MESSED UP IN THEIR OWN WAYS ANYWAY.

How dare you think that someone who comes from a whole family MUST be a better option automatically. How dare you not leave room for people to learn from history’s mistakes. How dare you try to create the perfect partner by how many boxes they can tick off from your mental list of suitabilities. How dare you limit who you can try loving unlike how God loves. How dare you, how dare you,

HOW. DARE. YOU.

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I have learned that from divorce some of the most beautiful, most generous, most gorgeous hearts that beat often come from these broken families! I have seen it not just in my own family but in the people I have met during this process of growing up and becoming my own person. They are no less worth God’s love than you are, and they are no less your love either.

I’ve listened to the voices of teens, young adults, of ex-wives who have struggled through a divorce, and heard the strength in their voice, seen unbelievable generosity in their actions, and watched sacrificial love given even to me by them. I have supported other daughters whose families were thrown into chaos by divorce and seen them grow stronger from it. I have held the bleeding hearts of highschoolers who have seen themselves as mistakes, whose parents never even married, and yet can give everything to those they love, and fight through depression to bring joy to others because they have empathy.

I’ve comforted the broken and found hope in them, I’ve listened to those who feel stuck but find determination to get out, I’ve walked beside the hurting and witnessed healing. I’ve loved on people whom others called unlovable and earned back the deepest of friendships, acceptance, and connection from them. They are SO beautiful that they take my breath away. These people amaze me because God has not given up on them and they haven’t given up on themselves either. And they have not given up on me.

And these are the people, I am the people, that “you could never see yourself wanting to marry.”

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I have seen this raw beauty of souls that come out as shining more brightly than diamonds because of the incredible pressure put on them. They, like me, are hurting and growing and relearning and struggling, just like everyone else in this world. That’s ok!

I’m sorry our hardships we’ve gone through scare you. But I think that we deserve more than to be defined by what’s happened to us. I’m sorry you don’t have more empathy, more compassion, more understanding. I’m sorry that your life has been easy to where you have not been given the gift to see how beautiful we are.

We: the pained, the changed, the victims of mistakes and of abuse, we are more beautiful than you are able to see. Because of what life has dealt us, what God has led us through, we can learn and be better than the past. We can grow stronger and further than you seem possible to imagine because guess what; we have actually seen intimately, first hand, where mistakes were made…we have the best chance to not make the same mistakes if we’re willing to face them, see them head on, and say, “its ok. I see where the path crumbles. Now I know where to truly hang on to the guard rails so I can get further than last time.”

We don’t want to be stuck in the cycle as much as you don’t want to get caught up in it. Believe me. We are trying. So how dare you assume otherwise.

How dare you, commenter, decide in your small little world that our lives are decided before they are even begun, simply because our parents’ marriage didn’t last. How dare you, how dare you

HOW. DARE. YOU.


This was a very emotionally charged post for me to write but I’m going to leave it that way. It felt good to finally be able to articulate and put into words these feelings I’ve worked through and reclaim some of my own self-worth.

Before I close this post, I did want to say thank you to James, my best friend of six years and boyfriend of two, for loving me despite all the baggage I do carry. He has never held my past against me and in fact sees it as having made me into the person I am today that he loves. We fight every day for our future relationship, and he loves me so well through the struggles and insecurities I do have. I feel God’s love most when James loves me; it is incredible and I’m truly blessed. I could never have asked for a better partner to walk through the last many years of survival and recovery than with him and I love him so much.

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AFTERTHOUGHT BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THIS: Any comments on my parents’ marriage and divorce will not be entertained here, to the person who likes to try to protect my dad for him in my comment section. This is my blog, talk to me about me. My parents have fought their own battles and I know more about their divorce than you do because I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF IT START TO FINISH. You will not MAKE ME BE QUIET. If you can’t handle my honesty, get off my freaking blog, crazy lady. Thanks, love to dad when you see him. ❤ ❤ ❤

~Jamie

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Jamie’s 2017

This last year has felt crazy for me, in incredible ways that pushed me to work harder, and love more freely on everyone in my life, from coworkers to my beloved boyfriend ( we’re two years strong and happier than ever) to even myself. I had some wonderful people in my life this year!

I accomplished some big things too, like purchasing my first car debt free. That was huge for me. And I turned 23. AND I flew back to Georgia for a third time in May to visit James, before he then visited me for the first time in December! I made two best friends out of coworkers while working at Dairy Queen this year: my Ashlyn, the devil to my angel, and goofy good ol’ Trent, who I so desperately just want to adopt and protect haha! A beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure. ❤ 😉

It’s been SO. VERY. LONG since I’ve made friends on my own like this, like, friends that can share your heartaches together, have each other’s backs when the pressure of life or work is too much, and cheer for and support you no matter what. Gaining that was HUGE for me this year! Like more than they’ll ever understand due to my past of constantly losing my friends throughout my childhood.

I learned A LOT working at Dairy Queen, but I definitely learned for myself that it is DEFINITELY in my heart to be there for people as the unjudging ear who will listen no matter what because I WANT TO. I LOVE TO. I CARE THAT MUCH. Doing so GAVE ME so many friendships! I definitely felt like my biggest job at work was just to be there for my coworkers, all of them. I love each one so very dearly: I listened to them all when they drove each other crazy, I absorbed the verbal punches, I empathized with their feelings so they wouldn’t feel invalidated and unheard anymore. Even when sometimes it felt like they all hated each other, I felt like they all saw me as their friend, someone who was there for them, and we got through the night together.

I found it incredible how much simply EMPATHIZING with ALL of my coworkers made work-life THAT MUCH BETTER. Besides that, I also felt very valued and loved by my coworkers, especially when I gave my two weeks notice at the end of the year and everyone was just so sad I was leaving. Just wow, it was so heartwarming to have people respond to me so wonderfully! It means to the world to me to have been a part of a family there, even though I’m not there anymore.

The greatest gift from this year was truly knowing there are people who were my friends who loved me very much. I feel very rich with that blessing. Ashlyn and Trent I especially got to know very, very well and they both mean THE ABSOLUTE WORLD TO ME.

Ashlyn is like my twin sister I never knew I was missing; she is so funny and she taught me to speak my mind more! She shares her beautiful two children with me and made me Aunt Jamie. I went to her extended family’s Easter, Halloween, and Thanksgiving parties this past year–she and her mother Eileen made me feel SO WELCOME as a part of their family. Ashlyn and I had some incredible adventures, from late night Wal-Mart shopping, visiting the gym to talk out drama and then eat McDonald’s (haha, we know we’re terrible XD), to racing the little one to the hospital at 1 in the morning. We just absolutely loved working together and being together, to the point that everyone else teased us about it haha! I love her so much, and we still have the best times together! ❤

And Trent. oh my goodness, that kid. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ I won’t share details because I want to keep private things private, but he changed my life so I want to share a little bit of that. And I just freaking love that kid TO UTTER DEATH. I loved working with him; he is so very hysterical! At the same time, he broke my heart in a way I’d yet to experience for another human being. He was that loud obnoxious kid with the heart of gold who just needed to be loved on, just needed some positive attention and encouragement from someone, somewhere, before something just snaps or dies inside. I’ve never felt so much compassion for another person like I did for him. So, all year, I loved on him for who he was and wow, it was such a rewarding experience! It changed my life; my heart grew so much bigger from it! It strengthened my belief that all everyone needs is simply an unconditional love from God which He can show through any of us, if our hearts are open to listen and understand, to see past the surface to the soul within, to not be afraid to love those who feel unlovable. I’m so happy that I got to watch him grow happier and healthier as the year passed and he truly became one of my best friends! I think he’s someone who can change the world with that big generous heart of his. I pray for him every day and can’t wait to see where he’ll go in life. ❤

He and Ashlyn were such BIG parts of making my 2017 incredible, with their gifts of friendship, honesty, love, and mutual support. They both made me feel so loved, needed and valued! Whenever we were in the same room it was like the air had a spark of energy and happiness for me. We laughed so freaking much while we worked so dang hard, and despite all the hardships, we shared so much joy in that little DQ building. I can never thank them enough for giving me so many fantastic memories from this year. ❤

Honestly, working at Dairy Queen this year was very huge in that I was kept very busy all year. I worked very hard. Honestly, I didn’t know I could work so hard, be so tough, push through it all and come out stronger and without it dampering my work attitude, but I did this year.

I came in every single time I picked up Boss’s call to come in on a night off or because she needed help. I worked nine days in a row: twice. Covered so many shifts, came in early, came in the middle of shifts to help out on nights off, pulled unexpected doubles… all while trying my hardest to still be thoughtful of everyone else and keep my aches and pains and moans and groans off the clock. I worked A LOT in 2017. I worked mostly night shifts, and if I didn’t go on an adventure with Eileen and Ashlyn afterward, which I very often did till 1 or 2 in the morning, I’d come home and collapse. This is why I didn’t blog very much, and I even dropped a lot of my seasonal anime shows just from being so freaking tired or emotionally drained if the vibe at work had been bad. In all honesty, Dairy Queen worked me to the bone this year, and I honestly didn’t do very much besides work my butt off. XD

BUT FROM ALL THAT, I learned that I am one tough BEAST and I AM capable to work a physically demanding job with a big smile on my face despite the rude people in drive-thru and the coworker drama–not just work my fair share, BUT WORK MORE THAN I SHOULD HAVE, and still come out feeling stronger for it. I’m dang proud of myself!

I learned this year that I can do anything I set my mind to. I really can. I know because I did it over and over again.

To that point, I’m looking for different employment now, hopefully in the pet/animal world. Fingers crossed. It’ll be a whole new adventure for 2018, starting a new job with new coworkers and learning new things. But I’m praying and believing that God is going to lead me to the right place, that needs me and the right place that I need. If any of you feel moved to pray for me to find that right place for the next part of my life’s journey, that would incredible. ❤

The only other huge thing that sticks out to me from this year, is James.

Oh, my sweet darling amazing most handsome terribly funny James. I LOVE YOU.

Best boyfriend a girl could ask for! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

It’s been two years since James and I started talking romantically and it’s been life-changing. I never thought in a million years that I’d end up with a boyfriend who could be so patient, so understanding and gentle with my emotions, fears, hopes, and supportive of my choices and who I am as a person. And on top of it all, do it on the other side of the country! Long distance has yet to stop us from loving each other wholeheartedly and working towards being together one day!

This year has been much more stable than last year for us! Last year we figured out how to make long distance work and took a lot of time to communicate fears and boundaries and expectations and just building a foundation for us. This year, we’ve enjoyed the fruit of all that labor!

This year, us being in a relationship was the new and amazing normal!

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Video^^^ He makes me laugh and laugh and laugh! ❤

Sparkler fun!

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Another video!^^^We lit sparklers in the moist Georgia night air and danced and laughed and killed bugs. XD

This year we settled into being boyfriend and girlfriend without having to talk about it haha! This year me flying to see him just felt normal! It wasn’t a rollercoaster year for us, but that in itself is amazing. IT’S AMAZING THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP JUST FEELS NORMAL! 😀 Throughout the year while we were apart, we played online games like Path of Exile and Minecraft together, when he wasn’t slaving away at school and I wasn’t getting called into work haha! We celebrated our first official Valentine’s together, and he spoiled me rotten with birthday and Christmas gifts (lots of Disney movies on Blu-ray and DVD, a Blu-Ray player, a new camera and wireless earbuds, and so many other gifts.)

And oh yeah, HE FLEW TO SEE ME THIS PAST DECEMBER FOR THE FIRST TIME! Wow! It was wild having him here in Arizona and meet my family! We had a blast! My mom loved him! Christmas was in the air and it was just too magical! I took him in to work to meet everyone; we spent hours in Zia Records; we went to my theater four times. He and my mom got along almost too well LOL! We snuggled on the love seat and watched lots of movies and musicals. I’ve been anxiously waiting for his visit allllllllllllllllllll year and it was just the absolute best thing in the world when it finally happened! All the snow in Atlanta couldn’t stop him from getting to me! Just, ajskdfajsldfkasldjf it was fantastic!

I couldn’t have asked for a better first visit for him to be here with me and meet Mom!

Thank you for another happy year having me as your girlfriend, James. I can’t imagine you not being my best friend, my life without you, or not being together with you like we are now! I’m so happy with you in my life, and I can’t wait for many more years with you by my side! ❤

2017 was a great year for me. I learned I was so much tougher than I thought I was. And I did get to do some pretty fun things when I wasn’t working!

I went to my first haunted house experience, The 13th Floor, with Ashlyn and her hubby and friends, had the time of our lives screaming our guts out! I ate lots of Panda Express. Visited both Wickenburg and Flag Staff to hike Walnut Canyon. Coworker Matt and I talked up our anticipation for “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2” and “Game of Thrones Season 7” ALLLL spring, which was just the best, and we even went to see “Spider-Man: Homecoming” together (I miss you as well, Matt!) I gave in and got Snapchat. My coworkers spoiled me rotten on my birthday, from hugs and presents, to Boss having everyone sing! I got to babysit the cutest kids on earth as my niece and nephew. I filled my coin bank to the top with tips! I threw down so much cash to get Taylor Swift’s new album and merch (which IS THE BOMB!) I got puppy scars on my arm which are still there. I bought so many dream catchers (the count is up to 12.) Finally finished “Breaking Bad” after a year hiatus. I became a Pewdiepie fan this year–I know that’s super random but he’s given me some great laughs! I got to try acrylic nails for the first time, thanks to Ashlyn! James took me on a date to Arrowhead Mall! Sat in the parking lot after work with coworkers in the heat just because we weren’t ready to say bye yet.

It was a good year!

I named her Minnie. And we're going for a drive. 😎😜😍😊

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That happy moment when he goes to sleep. 😴😇 #babysitting

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A night out with Ashlyn is always a great night. ❤️😘

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So yeah, that’s been my year!

The year of finding real friendships and fun in my coworkers, the year I got my wonderful car, the year James at last visited me here in Arizona, the year where being boyfriend and girlfriend felt so freaking normal and real, the year my heart grew so full of love to give to anyone who needed it.

As I said above in that one Instagram post, my overall thought from this year is: I’m beat tired but I’m so blessed. I’m so excited for the new adventures 2018 will throw at me when I find my new job and visit Georgia again. I’m so ready to keep building towards my future!

Goodbye 2017, hello 2018. Throw your best at me; I can handle you. 😉

~Jamie

Seven Things About Myself

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I know; I just did an award post a few days ago, but I have to do these as they come or I tend to forget! Anyway, these are great post-makers. 🙂 Moving on, I want to say a big, big thank you to Moonstonemaiden for awarding me with this, I feel very honored to be called ‘very inspiring’, that means the world to me!

Le rules are:

Display the award logo on your blog.
Link back to the person who nominated you.
State 7 things about yourself.
Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them.
Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements

This post turned out excessively long, but it felt really good to be able to put most of these things into a paragraph and have it just out and on the table to deal with. Posts like these are the reasons why I like blogging, because this is where I am free to talk about what I’m struggling with.

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Seven things about myself:

I still can’t drive. My mom is pressuring me to start learning as soon as the stress goes down low enough to where I can study better. It will be much more useful if I do learn to drive; I’ll be able to do grocery shopping or take trips to the library on my own if I get my license. I just don’t have that great burning to learn right now… I suppose that’s the problem. In some ways, I’m a homebody. Sure, I love going out to friends’ houses or attending parties or just going to Costco with my mom, but I don’t have the wanderlust where my feet want to travel the world. Maybe Europe someday with my special someone, but outside of a few trip idea that I am keeping to myself and Mom, I don’t really want to climb in a car and drive anywhere. At least… not now. 🙂

I want to be more comfortable in my skin. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and frowning at myself. I’m tired of not feeling pretty. So, something I just started this week was getting my makeup and girly stuff off my shelf and dust the top off and use some of it! I’ve painted my nails with my favorite light lavender polish, I’ve started putting on some sweet smelling lotion and a tiny bit of my pink lipstick. I know that true beauty comes from being truly happy, but honestly, I’ve not been very happy recently with all the extreme levels of stress in my home. It’s shown with myself-respect in how I’ve let myself go a little. I’m dressing more sloppily, I’ve not put makeup on for weeks, not even for church. So I decided this week that from now on in this new year, I will be taking the time to pretty myself up, to dress a bit better, to get back to painting my nails regularly. I think this will help my self confidence more. I can look in the mirror and smile and say, “I not ugly!” And I’ll see self-respect smiling back. And I will feel better in my skin.

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I love accomplishing new piano songs on my own. I haven’t had a lesson since I was twelve and what I learned in that last lesson was really easy stuff compared to the stuff I’m trying to play now. I like to play haunting melodies and the themes from my favorite tv shows and movies. I’m trying to conquer the Avengers theme right now and it’s a little difficult. I can hardly read the bass notes or treble notes, much less the notes that fly off the scale. I sometimes have to pencil in the notes names onto the paper so I remember what they are; sometimes I can’t play songs because they’re so advanced for the skills that I have. But at the same time, each new song I’ve managed to nail and memorize, I get such a great sense on accomplishment from it. Because I memorized that six page song, I taught myself how to do that finger play, I learned how to read those hard notes. All by myself. When my fingers can play the song all by themselves while I shut my eyes and I still nail the song: that’s the best.

Speaking of which, I’m trying to decide which of these two songs I want to learn next; I’m mean, I’ll eventually learn both, but I don’t know which one to get first because I like them both pretty equally. I’d love to hear which you guys like better and you could help me decide which to learn first! This one is called Chimes and this one is called Field of Daisies, both by Brian Crain. The other two songs that I’ve learned by this amazing composer is Rain and Wind; you can listen to these two songs and pretend I’m playing them because, yeah, I nailed those two pretty good, if I do say so myself.

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Sherlock Holmes was pretty much my first official crush. Like, I had it bad for a long time when I was fourteen. We were, like, married and everything. But he came and he went, new things came along, I slowly forgot about him until last year: BOOM. He came leaping back out of my closet in book form, alive, covered in dust and shouting, “Remember me? I’m back in your face! Try to get rid of me now!” So, last time it was Basil Rathbone’s version that made me giggle, this round it’s Benedict Cumberbatch’s version . . . . . . . . . . between you and me, I plan on having twin boys; I will name them Basil and Benedict and they’ll grow up wearing deerstalker caps. Because, come on, it’d be a bit much to name your child Sherlock Holmes, right?

I have a hard time striking a balance between ‘reserved and quiet friend’ and ‘overly-clingy friend’. Because I’ve never had many friendships, I really value the ones that I do have, but I have this big fear that I may come across as really clingy and weird if I stick too close or talk too much with those friends and annoying them to death. I hate the idea of having people look at me and thinking, “Great, here she comes, it’s going to be ages before I can get her to be quiet again/get her to stop trailing me“.  To come off like that to the few friends I do have horrifies me, so I do the next worse possible thing and I stay too reserved. I just don’t know how to strike the perfect middle on this, especially because my first impulse is to be on the more clingy side of things. I’m a socially-oriented person, I like to both talk, and to just sit quietly in the middle of a group of friends and listen to them all talk. I need to be around people. But I’m so awkward when it comes to properly engaging with certain friends. This is something I’m going to work on this year… unless I happen to loose all those friends by moving to a new church again. This seems like a looming possibility that might happen in the near future and I’m stone cold terrified of having to start all over again but… let’s just not continue down this train of thought just yet, okay?

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I’m still going through the self-discovery process. Because during most of my teen years it was overly taught that one had to find their identification as a member in a family, my dad didn’t really allow me to try to think that I was and am, in fact, an individual person with my own personality, my own needs, my own likes and struggles. And while, yes, it is true, we are all part of a family and we should try to work together as a family, I wish the other half of the coin hadn’t been washed out of the picture then. I’m now trying to get that other half back. How can I expect other people to understand and know me when I don’t understand or know myself?

I’m thinking about writing a time traveling story. I don’t have much of a plot or character ideas or anything but I’ve had the end climax in my head for many years, so, I might actually try to write it out one of these days. It’s quite a scary idea and it’s only in the thinking process because I have so many other stories that I want to write first, but I think it would be fun to attempt a story like this. 🙂

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I’m going to nominate just a few people here who have been ‘very inspiring’ to me. 🙂

Grace: Grace is very inspiring in that she has learned to be comfortable as herself. She’s had many encouraging words for me over the past two years and she’s inspired me to embrace my inner fangirl without feeling weird about it. She also writes some great inspirational posts. 🙂

James: James is very inspiring when it comes to consistently commenting. He’s always has a kind word no matter where he comments and he does a great job giving back great feedback. He’s been inspiring to start commenting more, because comments really is one of the best things with blogging.

Alexandra: Alexandra is very inspiring in that she’s an accomplished self-published author! I’m inspired whenever I see her accomplishments to try to reach those accomplishments myself one day with my own writing; she also has given me so much encouragement to keep trying with my writing!

You three have been very inspiring to me in your own ways, so you really deserve this award from me to you! Thanks so much for being in my life!

And that wraps up this much-to-long post; thanks for reading, guys!

~Jamie