Currently: Baking in the Kitchen

Libelle illustration:

Currently listening: to the One Outs original soundtrack. Stupidly fun to listen, so funky and cheeky. ❤

Currently sitting: at the kitchen table facing into the living room, and moving back and forth with the oven baking chocolate chip banana muffins.

Currently liking: the Grammarly extension for Google Chrome! It’s so much better than the WordPress proofreader–ugh.

Currently drinking: lots of water, still. It’s freaking hot out there and it’s refusing to rain in my neighborhood, so I’m continuing to suffer. Gotta stay hydrated! XD

Currently writing: more often my second blog, Jamie Talks Anime. It feels good to be back! I gave it a new layout too, and for some reason, that’s really brought back my motivation to write again! Feels awesome!

Currently watching: Frasier, on the living room TV:”Ham Radio”, one of my favorite episodes!

Currently obsessed: with my newest third blog, My Soulmate: Music. If you remember in an earlier post I mentioned I wanted to find more ways to better express myself this year? This spontaneously became one of them! I’m posting a favorite song almost every day AND I LOVE IT.

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Currently tired: of politics. Enough. Said.

Currently excited: for my birthday this Sunday! I actually hadn’t thought about it very much this year, but my family and loved ones have been getting excited about it and now I’m excited too!

Currently scaring myself: with finding a job and practicing driving. I’m doing both at the moment. I really hope I have a job by the end of August, I’ll really need it by then. Thankfully, the driving part has been easier than expected. Left turns aren’t that bad, I just learned a trick for parking, and I successfully drove on 7 lane roads for the first time the other day! It will be very interesting when I’m comfortable enough to buy a car and can go where I like. @_@ XD

Currently stuck in my head: so many songs.

Currently wishing: for rain, rain, lots of rain! I WANT IT SO BADLY.

Currently praying: that I continue to be safe while driving, that I find myself the right job, and that the right vehicle will be made available at the right time and place and price.

~Jamie

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Seven Things About Myself

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I know; I just did an award post a few days ago, but I have to do these as they come or I tend to forget! Anyway, these are great post-makers. 🙂 Moving on, I want to say a big, big thank you to Moonstonemaiden for awarding me with this, I feel very honored to be called ‘very inspiring’, that means the world to me!

Le rules are:

Display the award logo on your blog.
Link back to the person who nominated you.
State 7 things about yourself.
Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them.
Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements

This post turned out excessively long, but it felt really good to be able to put most of these things into a paragraph and have it just out and on the table to deal with. Posts like these are the reasons why I like blogging, because this is where I am free to talk about what I’m struggling with.

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Seven things about myself:

I still can’t drive. My mom is pressuring me to start learning as soon as the stress goes down low enough to where I can study better. It will be much more useful if I do learn to drive; I’ll be able to do grocery shopping or take trips to the library on my own if I get my license. I just don’t have that great burning to learn right now… I suppose that’s the problem. In some ways, I’m a homebody. Sure, I love going out to friends’ houses or attending parties or just going to Costco with my mom, but I don’t have the wanderlust where my feet want to travel the world. Maybe Europe someday with my special someone, but outside of a few trip idea that I am keeping to myself and Mom, I don’t really want to climb in a car and drive anywhere. At least… not now. 🙂

I want to be more comfortable in my skin. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and frowning at myself. I’m tired of not feeling pretty. So, something I just started this week was getting my makeup and girly stuff off my shelf and dust the top off and use some of it! I’ve painted my nails with my favorite light lavender polish, I’ve started putting on some sweet smelling lotion and a tiny bit of my pink lipstick. I know that true beauty comes from being truly happy, but honestly, I’ve not been very happy recently with all the extreme levels of stress in my home. It’s shown with myself-respect in how I’ve let myself go a little. I’m dressing more sloppily, I’ve not put makeup on for weeks, not even for church. So I decided this week that from now on in this new year, I will be taking the time to pretty myself up, to dress a bit better, to get back to painting my nails regularly. I think this will help my self confidence more. I can look in the mirror and smile and say, “I not ugly!” And I’ll see self-respect smiling back. And I will feel better in my skin.

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I love accomplishing new piano songs on my own. I haven’t had a lesson since I was twelve and what I learned in that last lesson was really easy stuff compared to the stuff I’m trying to play now. I like to play haunting melodies and the themes from my favorite tv shows and movies. I’m trying to conquer the Avengers theme right now and it’s a little difficult. I can hardly read the bass notes or treble notes, much less the notes that fly off the scale. I sometimes have to pencil in the notes names onto the paper so I remember what they are; sometimes I can’t play songs because they’re so advanced for the skills that I have. But at the same time, each new song I’ve managed to nail and memorize, I get such a great sense on accomplishment from it. Because I memorized that six page song, I taught myself how to do that finger play, I learned how to read those hard notes. All by myself. When my fingers can play the song all by themselves while I shut my eyes and I still nail the song: that’s the best.

Speaking of which, I’m trying to decide which of these two songs I want to learn next; I’m mean, I’ll eventually learn both, but I don’t know which one to get first because I like them both pretty equally. I’d love to hear which you guys like better and you could help me decide which to learn first! This one is called Chimes and this one is called Field of Daisies, both by Brian Crain. The other two songs that I’ve learned by this amazing composer is Rain and Wind; you can listen to these two songs and pretend I’m playing them because, yeah, I nailed those two pretty good, if I do say so myself.

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Sherlock Holmes was pretty much my first official crush. Like, I had it bad for a long time when I was fourteen. We were, like, married and everything. But he came and he went, new things came along, I slowly forgot about him until last year: BOOM. He came leaping back out of my closet in book form, alive, covered in dust and shouting, “Remember me? I’m back in your face! Try to get rid of me now!” So, last time it was Basil Rathbone’s version that made me giggle, this round it’s Benedict Cumberbatch’s version . . . . . . . . . . between you and me, I plan on having twin boys; I will name them Basil and Benedict and they’ll grow up wearing deerstalker caps. Because, come on, it’d be a bit much to name your child Sherlock Holmes, right?

I have a hard time striking a balance between ‘reserved and quiet friend’ and ‘overly-clingy friend’. Because I’ve never had many friendships, I really value the ones that I do have, but I have this big fear that I may come across as really clingy and weird if I stick too close or talk too much with those friends and annoying them to death. I hate the idea of having people look at me and thinking, “Great, here she comes, it’s going to be ages before I can get her to be quiet again/get her to stop trailing me“.  To come off like that to the few friends I do have horrifies me, so I do the next worse possible thing and I stay too reserved. I just don’t know how to strike the perfect middle on this, especially because my first impulse is to be on the more clingy side of things. I’m a socially-oriented person, I like to both talk, and to just sit quietly in the middle of a group of friends and listen to them all talk. I need to be around people. But I’m so awkward when it comes to properly engaging with certain friends. This is something I’m going to work on this year… unless I happen to loose all those friends by moving to a new church again. This seems like a looming possibility that might happen in the near future and I’m stone cold terrified of having to start all over again but… let’s just not continue down this train of thought just yet, okay?

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I’m still going through the self-discovery process. Because during most of my teen years it was overly taught that one had to find their identification as a member in a family, my dad didn’t really allow me to try to think that I was and am, in fact, an individual person with my own personality, my own needs, my own likes and struggles. And while, yes, it is true, we are all part of a family and we should try to work together as a family, I wish the other half of the coin hadn’t been washed out of the picture then. I’m now trying to get that other half back. How can I expect other people to understand and know me when I don’t understand or know myself?

I’m thinking about writing a time traveling story. I don’t have much of a plot or character ideas or anything but I’ve had the end climax in my head for many years, so, I might actually try to write it out one of these days. It’s quite a scary idea and it’s only in the thinking process because I have so many other stories that I want to write first, but I think it would be fun to attempt a story like this. 🙂

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I’m going to nominate just a few people here who have been ‘very inspiring’ to me. 🙂

Grace: Grace is very inspiring in that she has learned to be comfortable as herself. She’s had many encouraging words for me over the past two years and she’s inspired me to embrace my inner fangirl without feeling weird about it. She also writes some great inspirational posts. 🙂

James: James is very inspiring when it comes to consistently commenting. He’s always has a kind word no matter where he comments and he does a great job giving back great feedback. He’s been inspiring to start commenting more, because comments really is one of the best things with blogging.

Alexandra: Alexandra is very inspiring in that she’s an accomplished self-published author! I’m inspired whenever I see her accomplishments to try to reach those accomplishments myself one day with my own writing; she also has given me so much encouragement to keep trying with my writing!

You three have been very inspiring to me in your own ways, so you really deserve this award from me to you! Thanks so much for being in my life!

And that wraps up this much-to-long post; thanks for reading, guys!

~Jamie