I’ve come to understand, at least in few ways, what grown ups mean when they say, “it feels good to work hard.” When I was a kid, I always wrinkled my nose and thought, “NAH! IT. DOES. NOT.” Even now at the age I am now, I’ve never really had the attitude of, “YEAH, LET’S GO WORK OUTSIDE.” even though I’ve tried to do the work with as cheerful an attitude as I could muster. Yet, the past few days in which I’ve completed two productive, large projects, I’ve realized the saying is quite true.
Thursday I spent several hours in the attic, going through boxes, sorting things into piles and just organizing. Our attic was bad, guys; when I, mind you, ME, who can live with a mess, decides to PERSONALLY go and clean up someone else’s mess: well, you know it’s gigantically ridiculous. It’s not anymore though, because I crawled around on my hands and knees and made it orderly at my own decision. There is now ACTUAL SPACE to put things up there; that sounds silly but it’s dream come true. It was a physical strain; if my mom hadn’t passed up knee pads halfway through, my knees would been black and blue and not just red as a final result. But that felt incredibly good to go do that and make it functional again!
Then on Friday, I rolled up my sleeves to rearrange my room for the new year. I had no idea how I was going to change it when I started, so I got nervous after I emptied my room completely of everything except for my bookshelf frames. I hate change, guys, and here I was changing my room at my own accord and I scared myself. But then I thought, “hey, I might actually really like this layout if I make it look like a bedroom again!”
And so I pushed through it and fell completely in love with how it turned out. My room feels twice the size it was and I can make my bed easily, which means my room now looks nice. I also let go of some childish things that have sat on my shelves for years and freed up some space. It was nice letting go of some stuff. It was a lot of work, physically and even a little emotionally, but it was a confidence booster at the same time and a reminder that change is good.
I’m not hear to brag on myself: “Hey, look at me, I did all this hard work last week, I’m fantastic,” but to share the fact that I had a revelation. What you can produce through your hands in hard work is well worth the trouble by what can happen in your heart if you will let it. It feels very nice to feel real satsifaction when you step back and look at something that was once chaos and is now order and say, “Wow, I accomplished this! Maybe I can amount to something in this world.” That’s a great feeling, it’s almost a shame that I’ve not fully experienced that satisfactions until now.
I would give anything to hop back in time ten years to say that to myself and see the expression on my face. 😛