Guess what, besides this post, there is only one other draft in my drafts folder. I cannot remember the last time this has happened. It is scary and it means it’s time to return to blogging. I actually feel quite refreshed and have some fun blog post ideas rolling around in my head.
It feels like its been a really long time since I’ve sat down and just talked about my life and what’s been going on and what I’ve been learning/dealing with/handling or the fun things I’ve discovered. So, we should do that now. Hello everyone! Let me bring you up to speed!
Let’s talk about the web first: If you didn’t notice, I made a new page ^above^ called Elsewhere, because I’ve really branched out on the internet this year. This summer I branched into Twitter. It’s a challenge to fit what I want to say into 140 characters but I’ve been making it work and I’m really glad I joined. I’ve also brought my empty and old Pinterest account to life. I’m not addicted to the whole ‘pinning’ thing yet but I’ve found some good stuff on there too, so it’s been worth my time.
I have joined the amazing film-focused website Letterboxd and it has been the most amazing thing ever. I’ve been able to keep a ‘dairy’ of what movies I’ve watched on what dates and have a watchlist and made lists of my own. I’ve discovered some great films on there too. If you’re a film junkie I’d highly recommend checking it out and maybe joining. This summer I also released my Tumblr site to the public. I’ve kept my Tumblr pretty private for the past couple years. However, I decided I just didn’t care anymore what some people would think and so you can go check it out if you want. (Get the links to the above and more on my page Elsewhere.)
Moving on from the internet: I feel like I’ve done a lot yet nothing the past few months–that’s a strange feeling, lemme tell you. 😛 Lets recap some random stuff.
With a high note, I’ve watched a lot of movies, cut my hair, and got to go on a vacation all by myself. I joined Netflix and found that it is worth every single penny that I’m paying for it. I love having my own room again. After a month break I’ve started walking the neighbor dogs again, as the weather is finally becoming beautiful. I’m now mildly addicted to temporary tattoos because they look awesome. I’ve doubled my personal movie collection this summer, buying such titles as Transformers, Inception, Cars, Beetlejucie, Prince of Persia, Sweeney Todd and more.
While I haven’t done that much reading *sob*, I’m trying to get back to writing fiction. I published a short piece of fiction (I mean short, it is just over 300 words) on Booktrack for a contest and had a blast doing it. I’m now plotting out a horror story for another Booktrack contest–hey, good experiences and a chance to earn money by doing sometime I enjoy is not something I’m going to ignore. And I’m panicking because NaNoWriMo is around the corner; I’m totally wanting to do it but I have no idea what I want to write. Should I come up with something completely new or do I try to bring one of my simmering ideas to life. I don’t know. Like I said, I’m panicking. And on top of it all I STILL WANT TO IRON OUT MY LAST NANO BOOK. *hysterically runs in circles* So that’s my writing life right now…
Family life has gotten better the past couple months. My sister and I went through a withdrawn spell for a while but we’ve gotten a bit closer recently and that’s been really nice. My little brother and I get along very well; I can’t believe he’s going to be seven in a couple months. My relationship with my mom has never been stronger; she’s really let me feel emotionally free to start making some of my own choices and is trying not to be judgmental of those choices, and it’s really made me feel like I can be more honest and open with her. And with divorce proceedings moving forward and getting dad to move out, the stress levels in the house has dropped very dramatically. It’s like I can breathe again.
However, on a low note, near the end of summer I had to make a hard choice. My dad sent me, out of the blue, an aggressive letter that just ruined all the positive feelings I had been trying to build over the summer with him. I had been trying to just let the past be the past and move on to just do some fun things with him like go to movies and go out to eat. But the letter just sent the relationship back to square one, which was just extremely frustrating to loose all that time and energy I had invested. Even though I felt crushed and was very mad, I dealt with my anger and after trying to talk to him about it, I made the choice to break complete contact with him. Since then, I have noticed A TON of my stress has gone completely away.
Moral of this short-now-long story? Please stand up for yourself. It will NOT be easy but it WILL be worth it. (I want to again thank the few friends I contacted that day to pray for me when all this went down-you know who you are-it really helped to know you guys were praying for me and I’m so thankful for your friendships.) I’m glad I had the courage to stand up for myself even though it was scary and he was very intimidating. Since then I feel more confident and a lot more prepared for a next time I need to get away from an unhealthy or bad relationship. It’s just really sad that my first experience had to be with my own dad.
I’ve been learning more about myself and how I should be embracing “me” more. It’s going to be a little harder than it sounds; my Mom recently told me that she thinks I’m unknowingly depressed, which is kinda true now that I have thought about it. Seriously, I’m an ENFP, I should be a lot more energized then I am right now. Sorry, some of you are probably wondering what an ENFP is so let me step back.
Out of the sixteen personality types of the Myers-Briggs personality test, I came out as an Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling Perceiver, or, ENFP. (A counselor graded my responses, so this is quite legit and not something I did on my own on the internet.)
What the heck does ENFP even mean? Here, these should answer that question.
I am like this in tons of ways (this easily shines through here on my blog–because this is my domain, “my house of peace and zen.” Sorry, Transformers quote there.) But the past few years here in the harsh reality of living in a very unhealthy home, has really made me more quiet, more scared, more distrusting. Three to four years of constant stress really has made me depressed, and I only realized I’m a depressed person this past week.
This is a good thing, that I keep discovering problems. It means I can fix what’s wrong and move on. I need to learn to deal with my depression and learn to become more like how God originally made me to be. More carefree, more outgoing to strangers, more imaginative, more confident with giggles and following the bunny trails again. And this should be easier to do now that my home is a much more stable and healthy environment.
Knowing who I am deep inside will really help me in the future.
So, that’s what I’ve been doing and dealing with and thinking about and writing about right now. It feels so good to have gotten all this out onto a post; I’m so looking forward to getting back to more spontaneous blogging.
After all, spontaneous is my middle name.
Lots of love to all you readers; I’ve missed this. I hope you missed me too. 🙂