to be wed young?


tumblr_lpg75kQCAW1qk1cdoo1_500

When you think about it, Valentine’s Day is a pretty big deal in our society. There are the married couples, the couples who aren’t married but are couples anyway, girlfriends and boyfriends and then the ‘forever alone’ group who buy themselves chocolate and watch sappy movies on their own.

Valentine’s used to be big to me too, and that’s a shame.

In the last church we attended, marriage was put on a very high level above a lot of other things that were deemed important. Looking back now, the church had pretty much made the idea of marriage one of it’s idols. In today’s societies where women go to college, have a career and then get married at age thirty, it was then communicated in our church that marrying young was the ultimate ‘awesome’ choice to make because you were–supposedly–putting God’s will ahead of your own. You were rebelling against the culture, you were making a statement. This added pressure to me; I needed to get married young and if I didn’t, then something must be wrong with me. And this was back when I was sixteen! I shouldn’t have been worried about marriage then, but I was.

tumblr_lpkkpoP6PO1qeldveo1_500

And, I still get worried today.

My heart’s desire has been and always been to marry someone who was special to me and have lots of kids. But the idea that if I didn’t get married young made me anxious. What if nobody ever learns to love me like that; what if nobody ever wants to marry me; what if I’m a failure and I get married at the age of twenty-seven? And the idea made me ungrateful for where I was in life. Sixteen, seventeen, and now eighteen, I’ve spent too many hours worrying that I will never be good enough for someone, worrying that another month passes and I’m one month older.

I realize now that I should be happy for the times I have as a single woman.  But instead, I was unconsciously being burdened with the knowledge and need that I had to get married young. Looking back at those families, looking at the girls that I’ve left behind, I feel sorry for them. They, too, unconsciously made marriage an idol, it’s been set as the ultimate thing to strive towards. These girls are thirteen, fourteen years old!

I am trying to shake off this old worldview.

tumblr_lpktn1mTN01qk3kk1o1_500

Yeah, it would be great to get married young, where I still will have all my youthful energy, and I’ll have more years to spend with that special someone. But I cant’ let that be my ultimate goal anymore, because I have no control over when I’m getting married. I have to wait for a guy to make his move, and before that, I have to wait for the right guy. This is all out of my control, so I need to just let this go.

God will bring that guy along at His good timing, and whether I’ve already met him, will meet him in six months or in eight years; it will be His good timing. And it will be the right guy. And I think God will bring him and his marriage proposal into my life when He knows I’m ready for it. Because, honestly, as much as I’d love to get married by next week, there is no way I’m realistically ready for marriage.

Because, frankly, who’s really and honestly ready to get married at age eighteen? Very few people, I should think.

tumblr_lp68b8Zlzd1qa5cmuo1_500

My mom recently told me that God puts our heart’s desires inside of us for reasons; I’ve felt reassured that this desire, that wanting to one day give myself to the right someone, to have a family of my own, has been placed by God. So, I simply need to have faith that one day, in His good timing, He will fulfill that desire.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m letting this idol go. I’m going to stop worrying and wishing for something that is out of my control. I’m going stop worrying about needing to be married young. I’m instead going to wait on God’s timing.

And while I wait, I’m going to learn to be content with what I have now.

tumblr_l904sjCH5s1qdbbywo1_500

Because if I’m not content when I’m single, how am I going to be content when I’m married?

Am I going to stop dreaming and hoping about marriage? Nope. I will always still dream and hope and scheme wedding cakes and gowns after watching Four Weddings. It simply won’t be my life’s ultimate goal anymore.

And that’s a very good thing.

~Jamie

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “to be wed young?

  1. “Because if I’m not content when I’m single, how am I going to be content when I’m married?”

    YES and Amen! So true!!!

    “I realize now that I should be happy for the times I have as a single woman.”

    So True again!!!

    “I have to wait for a guy to make his move, and before that, I have to wait for the right guy. This is all out of my control, so I need to just let this go.”

    *I risk saying So True for the third time…..*

    “God will bring that guy along at His good timing, and whether I’ve already met him, will meet him in six months or in eight years; it will be His good timing. And it will be the right guy. And I think God will bring him and his marriage proposal into my life when He knows I’m ready for it. Because, honestly, as much as I’d love to get married by next week, there is no way I’m realistically ready for marriage.”

    *Faith can’t help it, says “So True!” for the fourth time…*

    Sometimes a reality check like the one you wrote here is what I need. How could I worry that God will not send the Right One? He always provides what will Glorify Him and Bless me!
    How could I worry that It is Taking Too Long? My Times are in His Hands! God Guides my Steps and My Stops, as Millie Stamm says.

    God has given me Himself to know, His word to study, people to love, projects to do (those curtains I started back in um…August…are calling to me O.O)….time to redeem. Prince Courage will come, if marriage be God’s will for me- when I least expect him, I think. : )

    Thank you for encouraging me, reminding me, and making me smile with this post.
    Bless you, Jamie!

  2. You know that scene at the end of “Amazing Grace” where all the Parliament members are thumping on their desks and clapping their hands as hard as they can in applause? Well. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!!! Bless this post a thousand times over! Very, very encouraging for someone who 1) grew up in a very similar environment where marrying at 18 was DAH BOMB 2) often fights discouragement 3) was asked over Christmas, “What’s wrong with you?!” when I explained that no, I don’t have a boyfriend. And in spite of all these things, I can say in all honesty that, although I still wrestle with discouragement and fear, I am learning to thoroughly enjoy my single years! (*whispers* And I’m starting to hope they’re extended long enough for me to finish my books, haha! 😉 )

    This is the second really good Valentine’s Day post I’ve read today from a single young woman…hopefully I’ll get some thoughts of my own together and post them tomorrow morning 🙂

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this very special issue. *hugs*

    1. HAHA! I am very familiar with that scene, I’m so happy my post made you thump your desk! 🙂 🙂 🙂

      And thank you for loving me for me! I’m glad I can share things with you!!

      ~Jamie

  3. That’s a great attitude to have about it.!:) When the Lord is ready for something to happen, its going happen, but not until then and you can only pray for Him to show you the right time. I have been fortunate enough not to be pressured at all.
    Although my parents were married as soon as they finished high-school at 18, I have no desire for marriage or even dating anytime soon because I am focusing on God, Collage and a little on recreational activities. Its not something I have time for and while I don’t want to say “never”, it is not something I can see myself doing.
    Sorry if I was going off on a tangent there.
    Great post Jamie! 🙂

    -James

    1. Thanks, James! I like hearing from a guy’s viewpoint on topics like these because you’re in a whole other ballpark! I’m glad you not rushing into relationships just because it’s ‘the thing to do’. I’m also glad you don’t want to say ‘never’ to it. Just ‘not now’. 🙂

      Thanks again!

      ~Jamie

  4. Great post, and very wise words! 🙂

    From what I have seen, getting married early is often not a good thing, and I think it’s sad that it was presented that way to you. If you can’t be content with and love yourself, then it’s impossible to love someone else, so I think that you need time to really get to know yourself before you can make a good wife. If you marry early on, then you usually don’t have as much time for exploring yourself, and rendering your view of the world, and your beliefs, and then they are influenced heavily by the other person, which can lead to the detriment of both people. Waiting for the right time is worth it, even if it does take time. You’re still young, and there is a lot to learn about yourself that you don’t want to miss out on! Eighteen through your early twenties is a very interesting time, and it can be a lot of fun figuring things out. Enjoy yourself, before you try to enjoy someone else.

    Don’t worry, the right guy is worth waiting for forever, and he’ll love you to pieces. I’m sure that your desires are a good thing, especially if they stick around. 🙂

    Happy Valentines day! Instead of celebrating romantic love, I think we single ladies should take this day to celebrate love in general — the current, and the future.

    Alexandra~

    1. You are so very right and I hadn’t thought of it like this at all! Thanks for sharing these ideas with me!!

      Happy Valentines day to you too!

      ~Jamie

  5. This post is awesome. You’re awesome. I’ve been struggling with wanting to get married young, too, and because of it, I’ve been super stressed out lately–and very discontent with my life, because of my desire to get married young. This post really helped, though. Thanks, Jamie!! 🙂

  6. This is a very awesome post!!! Very inspiring! Someone special will come, but before then we should be happy staying single. Happy Valentines day! ❤
    Of course, I'll be in the Forever Alone group 😛 I have more important things to worry about than relationships. Of course, I won't buy myself chocolate though. I hate it 😛

    1. Haha, thank you so much for your support even if it is not something you see in your future!

      I think there must be something wrong with the chocolate in Taiwan for you to dislike it so much! Lol! Oh well! 🙂

      ~Jamie

  7. I’m late to the ballgame, but I found your blog through Maribeth’s and I enjoyed this post so much, I had to comment!

    I’ve been hugely blessed to see radically different courtships in my siblings’ lives. My brother married my dear friend when he was 22 and she was 19. My older sister didn’t get married till 27, to my dear friend’s brother. We’ve known their family about 19 years now; God just had them wait till then. I’m currently 21, single, and no “prospects” (as my mother jokingly phrases it!). But y’know what? I’m good with that. If I get married, it will be in God’s timing. If I stay single, to God be the glory.

    But I’ll still buy chocolate for Valentine’s, because hey, chocolate!

    1. *Squeee* I’m so glad my post blessed you and thanks for commenting and sharing that with me!! 😀

      Wow, that’s interesting and amazing; family stories are always so cool to hear! I’m glad you’re not going to fret about marriage and when it could or couldn’t happen!! And yes, CHOCOLATE, IT IS THE BEST! 😀

      Thanks for commenting, I’m glad you are enjoying my blog. 🙂

      ~Jamie

It always makes my day to see your messages! Don't forget to check back, I try to write back to you too! <3

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s