All Alone


I’ve never really realized how friendless I was when I was a kid. I had my sister and my two cousins, Ben and Bethany. But… from the ages of five to twelve, I can not think of any other child that I can say was a actual friend and not just an aquantiance. Outside of my sister and cousins, I was all alone.

I was very different than all the kids from our homeschool  group. They were odd, they watched movies I wasn’t allowed to see, they got to do things and play with things that I didn’t even know existed. They had their own friends. Instead of making new friends, I simply bonded stronger with Kayla and Bethany….

I had no real friends at the church we attended. Because our parents kept us out of Sunday School, the kids looked at us as ‘weird’ and ‘different’ and it was just really uncomfortable, now that I think about it. I was better aquinted with unmarried adults–no, not the teenagers or young people. The adults. We attended that church for probably six years. And I never really got a real friend. Sure, I had several ‘friends’ but the relationships would have been better called ‘acquaintances’.

Even at our last church we attended, we went several years keeping to ourselves. I know why I kept to myself. I was afraid of being hurt. Again. I was afraid of liking people just a little bit but not being liked back. Of being seen as ‘different’. Again. So for the longest time, I kept to myself. I made one good friend, Ashley, whom I still keep in contact with. But for the longest time…. I still felt friendless.

However, over the last year, things have changed for the better.

Today I was sitting at my desk thinking about all the girls I’d gotten to know through my blog and how nice they all were; I was thinking about Dylan and Daryck, thinking about all the kids I was looking forward to seeing at the Christmas Party on Friday and . . . I realized something. It’s different now.

I now have kids whom I can call real friends. Not because I like them, but they actually like me back. They want to be with me. They want to be my friend too. It’s no longer one-sided. I’m no longer friendless…I have friends, and I am someone else’s friend. I have friends who run to hug me as I walk through the door, who want to come sit beside me. They don’t look at me like I’m different or strange. They treat me like I exist.

They are my friends and it’s all real.

I’m not alone anymore.

~Jamie

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26 thoughts on “All Alone

  1. Wow! That’s awesome that you have such great friends now. I only have one really close friend in “real life” (AKA I actually get to see her). I live in a small town with people that I don’t really relate to. When I get older and can branch out more, I think I’ll have more friends.

    But I have many internet buddies and you’d be considered one of them. Jedi~Chick is also a close internet friend of mine. We’re actually going to meet sometime next month, I’m really excited about that.

    1. Ahh, so we can identify! *initiates group hug*

      Aw, thank you! I consider you one of my buddies, too! 😀 WOW! That’s going to be exciting!!! I can’t wait to hear more about it!

      ~Jamie

  2. I think the kids from Trinity are my first REAL friends. Anyone else who was sorta my friend, I don’t ever get to see so, that’s a drag.

    1. *grins* Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever made friends so quickly… much less with boys. I’ve always been terrified of teenage boys (thanks to that homeschool group, to be honest). Dylan and Daryck are the first boys to so quickly gain my trust. They deserve medals…

      ~Jamie

  3. Bohoo! You are soo sweet! I am so glad you guys are coming to the Christmas party!
    This post reminds me of a quote.
    “Life is not life until you live it, Love is not love until you give it.”

    1. Yes, I’m very excited to see you all again!!!! *Squeals and jumps about like an insane person*

      Very good quote, I like it. Thank you for leaving a comment! I must run, though. I’m in the middle of my second short story, and I’m on a roll! 🙂

      ~Jamie

      1. This late? By the way, I saw you change your blog. I love you banner at the bottom, but am surprised that Loki is on there when Han is not!? *checks your temperature with cyber thermometer* When we get together you will have to give me some tips on how to make my blog better. 🙂

      2. Yes, I was up very late last night; I was at a good part! Wrestling and chasing “Frankie Libbs” around the backyard! *nods head* True story.

        Kayla asked why Han or Luke wasn’t on there: I already have Leia and Chewbacca and they encompass ‘Star Wars’ for me. Loki is among my other fandoms and favorite characters, and I wanted to include him, too. 🙂 (Now, if you knew who Loki is exactly, you would probably be very shocked….)

        I can do that, if you like. 🙂

        ~Jamie

      3. LOL okay.. you asked for it!

        He’s the villain–but it’s what writer’s call ‘a tragic villain’. His character dimension is very good; he feels real and sounds real. Tom Hiddelston is a VERY GOOD actor and put a lot of emotion into Loki; including great facial expressions, grins and tones of voice: this really helped him stand out. He’s also a torn character: he wants to fit in with his family but he finds out why he’s so different. He wants to please his Father and he’s also the jealous but “good-hearted” little brother… and several other things that are spoilers which I can’t say. 🙂 So those are some of the reasons I really like him. 🙂

        ~Jamie

      4. XD I’m going to hold for the moment: Kayla and I are going to do two posts on Loki sometime this week. She doesn’t like him and I like him. So, she’ll do a “hate Loki” post on her blog and I’ll do a “why I like Loki” on my blog. I’ll give the spoilers then! 🙂

        Love you!

        ~Jamie

    1. Kayla, he’s already defeated, we know that. It’s not like I’m saying he’s my hero, either. He’s my new favorite bad guy, that’s all. I just happen to appreciate how his character has been made! 😀

      ~Jamie

      1. Um… that is my criminal name from our imaginary game we play with The Boys. Scarlet Blood is, uh, a Russian spy, aka:traitor to USA. She’s tough and she never misses with her 38 pistol…. in short- you don’t want to mess with her! I mean, don’t mess with me! 😀 Is that cool or what?

  4. I’m glad you made more friends, Jamie, you are one of my good friends!

    We have been moving and I haven’t been able to get on your blog for a while.

    I wish I could see you more often!

    Ashley

    1. Aww, thank you so much, Ashley! I remember you talking about it at the Christmas Party; I hadn’t even known you guys were moving!!

      🙂 Yes, I agree!! At least we can talk here, right?

      Love and hugs, Jamie

It always makes my day to see your messages! Don't forget to check back, I try to write back to you too! <3

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