In the culture that we live in, throughout our lives, we’re always asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” But when we get older the question gets really serious. One starts feeling very pressured to decide on ‘something to be’ by graduation time. This normally means picking some type of career.
I’ve been thinking about my passions and wants and hopes and heart desires recently in terms of what I want to be doing in the future. What do I really want to do, what do I want to accomplish. What do I see myself doing in ten years and what I’ll have behind my name. What has God laid in my heart?
For a while I thought writing was my calling and it is something I’m going to fiercely pursue. But when I look down the road, having books published isn’t really what I want to see. While I know that I have a gift for writing, it’s not my strongest passion.
The question comes down to, what have I always wanted to do?
It ain’t being a published author. Selling a popular book would be awesome, don’t get me wrong; big dreams would maybe see it inspire a motion picture even.
But accomplishing that goal is not my life’s yearnings.
I realized my heart’s desire has always been marriage and motherhood. What I want more than anything in my future is to be with my best friend for life and have children of my own. You know; my own house to clean, my own kitchen to cook in, my own little gaggle of children racing around the backyard with lightsabers and Captain America shields screaming “Hiemdall, open the bifrost!” complete with a tree fort for Robin Hood and a playhouse for Sheild’s base to fight Loki and the Chatarri.
Love, laughter and life with my very own. That’s what I want more than anything else. I want a clean slate, I want to take everything I’ve learned over my eighteen years and start fresh. I don’t know if that’s actually possible but that’s what I want.
I don’t know if this is in my future or not, but I really pray that it is. This is my heart’s desire.
Oh, I’ll be taking a week break from computer/internet very shortly here; so… if I disappear, that will be why.